It’s been a bit since I’ve shared a playlist here on Absoludicrous, but partly due to my recent fascination with Taylor Swift, I’ve found myself in a particularly music-obsessed mood lately. Making playlists is just one way for my obsessive mind to engage with the music I’m focused on right now. So hey, another playlist!
This one takes a little bit of explaining. See, in the early stages of my decision to wade into Swift’s entire discography, I thought of it as a scientific endeavor. I wasn’t really a big fan of her music, so I figured I’d be able to approach it from a reserved and objective perspective, analyzing her role in the music industry over the years. That is not exactly what happened, however. Instead, I found myself deeply relating to and enjoying Swift’s discography. There’s a lot of reasons for that, some of which I went into in my original reviews, and more of it I discussed in my Top 30 list. But there’s still this core feeling of connection I experience when I listen to a lot of this music, and recently I’ve realized what it is. It’s anxiety.
I’ve dealt with anxiety for my entire life, and I am very familiar with its particular tricks. Swift has likewise been open about her experiences with mental illness, including anxiety, and much of her music, therefore, deals with the feeling – even those songs ostensibly about other topics. It’s Swift’s deft hand and nuanced view of the topic that, I think, is a huge reason I find myself relating to it so much. It’s the kind of thing only another person with anxiety would be able to articulate. So, this playlist is a primer, scratching the surface of Swift’s writing about anxiety.
It’s 16 songs pulled from various albums of her discography, all with some truth to tell about how it feels to feel out of control of your fear. I don’t want to claim that this is every song that deals with the topic of anxiety – certainly I’m sure you’d be able to find more. But these are the ones that really spoke to me.
You can listen to the full playlist here. Read on for my thoughts on each of these songs.
Out of the Woods
And I remember thinking, “Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet?“
If I were to pick one song to represent Swift’s writing on anxiety, it would probably be this one. Not only because it’s the first song that really grabbed me because of it, but also because it lays out a few common methods Swift reaches for when she wishes to portray the feeling of anxiety. The song focuses on a narrator uncertain of her future with a romantic partner – leading to its chorus, a repetition of two questions: “Are we out of the woods, yet?” and “Are we in the clear, yet?” Repetition and the use of questions are reoccurring methods Swift uses to portray the feeling of anxiety, of constantly wondering and worrying.
I think the sound of the song suggests anxiety as well, though, particularly in the bridge. The unrelenting electronic tones in the background as Swift describes scenes of car crashes and late-night arguments conjure up the feelings of scenes flashing by, creating that feeling of breathlessness and an inability to keep up.
The Archer
They see right through me, they see right through me, can you see right through me? They see right through me, they see right through me, I see right through me, I see right through me!
Another example of repetition as a means for communicating anxiety, Swift discusses her own flaws and misgivings about the concept of romance in the spotlight. She calls herself both the “archer” and the “prey,” suggesting that she is both the victim of and inflictor of pain – but both seem to deeply trouble her. To me this song really speaks to the tendency of anxiety to twist a person’s view of themselves, thinking that everyone around them must think the absolute worst of them.
Dancing with Our Hands Tied
You said there was nothing in the world who could stop it,
I had a bad feeling
Depending on how you look at it, this song is a slightly more optimistic take on anxiety in a romantic relationship. Again, Swift is discussing the anxiety that having a romantic relationship in the public eye can cause. She acknowledges her happiness and joy with the person she loves, but seems extremely aware throughout the song of all of the ways it could come crashing down on her. This hypervigilance for the possibility of tragedy is all too familiar – even when you feel happy, it’s that nagging feeling that makes you look over your shoulder and question whether these wonderful things are temporary.
Cruel Summer
Said “I’m fine” but it wasn’t true,
I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you
Outlining the uncertainty of a new relationship, Swift writes about the feeling of wanting to trust someone but still having those doubts. This is, in my opinion, the “Cruel Summer” of the title. Summer is generally a time of joy, carefree fun, and excitement, but the ability of a person to let themselves experience that without worry can be difficult for a person with anxiety.
peace
I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best
But the rain is always gonna come when you’re standing with me
In the folklore long pond sessions, Swift discusses how this song is mainly about the guilt she feels about subjecting her romantic partners to the spotlight. But in the same discussion, producer Aaron Dessner shares that, to him, it’s a song about being in a relationship and balancing a mental illness. The guilt is similar, feeling as though, try as you might, being in a relationship with you means they will witness your bad days as well as your good ones. I think this is applicable to any mental illness, but it works quite well for anxiety as well – in my personal view.
tolerate it
I sit and watch you, I notice everything you do and don’t do
Perhaps one of the saddest songs on evermore, “tolerate it” is told from the perspective of someone feeling underappreciated and unloved in their relationship. This isn’t an experience reserved for those with anxiety, but it did feel familiar as that common feeling of overthinking every small apparently negative thing in a friendship or romantic partnership and wondering if you’re just imagining it or if the other person truly does resent you the way you come to convince yourself they do. It feels like hypervigilance for any sign of disapproval, and it’s something a person with anxiety really has to watch themselves on.
Delicate
Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head?
With more repetition of questions, “Delicate” captures a gentle and positive kind of early romance. The subject’s anxiety still shows through, however. She’s constantly questioning her own feelings and wondering whether the strong feelings she feels are reciprocated.
Death by a Thousand Cuts
I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright,
They say, “I don’t know.”
While a lot of the song so far have been about anxiety during or at the start of the relationship, this song chronicles the anxiety of a relationship ending. The singer wonders if she will ever be alright again – focusing on all of the pain and small things she can’t seem to get over. It feels like an anxious spiral, as she names all the things she has lost in the swirling bridge.
All You Had To Do Was Stay
The more I think about it now,
The less I know
I have less of a constructive reason as to why this song reads as focusing on a feeling of anxiety to me. I think the subject matter of the song – a person deciding whether or not to take back their ex-lover – does suggest some anxiety, but the story itself doesn’t suggest it as much. However, I think it’s the repeated high-pitched “Stay!” that brings this anxious feeling to the song. According to Swift, it was inspired by a dream she had where she saw an ex but all she could say was “Stay!” in that high-pitched scream. That anxiety dream rubs off the on the rest of the song, for sure.
right where you left me
Everybody moved on, I stayed there
I think most people associate anxiety with movement and frenetic energy, but in real life it can often manifest as an inability to move. Sometimes my anxiety can freeze me in place, leave me sitting on my bed and staring off into space because I’m too scared to stand up. It’s a feeling I have never seen illustrated in a song before, but this song is a gently humorous look at the feeling.
The Other Side of the Door
And I broke down crying, was she worth this mess?
Perhaps a bit of a stretch compared tot he rest of the songs here, but the outro of this song reads as the thoughts of an anxious person looking at the tumultuous events this song chronicles. The images of the relationship flash by and there’s crying, so you know… anxiety! It also happens to be the absolute best part of the song.
Come Back… Be Here
And this is when the feeling sinks in, I don’t want to miss you like this
This song chronicles a special kind of anxiety – separation anxiety! In this song, Swift longs for a loved one who is far away. It seems as though while she’s fully aware of the necessity of her separation to this loved one, she longs to not to feel the way she does. A fear of feeling negative is a big anxiety trigger for me personally, so I can’t help but read this song as deeply anxious.
Enchanted
Please don’t be in love with someone else,
Please don’t have somebody waiting on you
While I don’t know if this would be the first song anyone thinks of when they think of Taylor Swift songs about anxiety, there’s a surprising amount of it in this song. While Swift is happy to meet this person, she also feels a great deal of anxiety about how they think of her and whether a relationship between them is even possible. It really does capture these dual feelings when meeting someone new so beautifully.
Afterglow
Hey, it’s on me, in my head
The uncomfortable thing about being in a romantic relationship (or any relationship, really) with anxiety is the many times it can get in the way of effective communication. Worries, especially the irrational ones that come along with anxiety, can so easily cause misunderstandings, and to me this is a song about someone apologizing for just that.
champagne problems
This dorm was once a madhouse,
I made a joke, “Well, it’s made for me.”
I’ve loved this song for a while, but I really ended up loving this song when I realized the undercurrent of mental illness that runs in it. On the surface it appears to be a song simply about the singer turning down a marriage proposal, but a few choice lines seems to suggest the reason why the narrator has turned her lover down – she felt that she wasn’t in a good mental space to take on as big of a commitment as marriage. It’s speculation, but to me the worries the narrator expresses reads as anxiety. Or… I may just be self-indulgent.
Renegade
Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything,
Or do you just not want to?
“Renegade” is slightly different from the rest of the songs on this list for a number of reasons – number one, it’s not technically a Swift song… but it basically is. The other, more important reason, is that it actually chronicles a relationship with a person with anxiety from the perspective of the one without anxiety. As lovingly critical as the song can be, there’s a note of sadness as the lover feels uncertain of their ability to provide for their partner in some of the worst times in their life.
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